What's Gaslighting?

“Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person or group makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality, or memories. People experiencing gaslighting often feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust themselves.” Medical News Today

Have you ever been in an argument with a family member, friend, or partner where you initially knew exactly what you were fighting for, but then felt talked out of your feelings? Suddenly felt silly for raising concerns after hearing things like, “don’t get upset over nothing” or “you sound crazy?” If the answer is yes, then you my friend, have been gaslighted before.

Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse where the perpetrator continuously manipulates someone into questioning themselves. If you struggle with mental illness, than unfortunately you are an easier target for people like this. I believe it is pertinent to learn about emotional manipulation tactics, to defend yourself from others abusing you in this way. The perpetrator may not even be consciously doing this, but their toxic way of “supporting” you is still detrimental to your mental health nonetheless. It may not seem like a big deal after one fight, but if this is happening continuously, you will never know how discern your own truth.

How to deal with gaslighting?

Consider whether or not this person should be in your life. If someone is constantly manipulating you out of feeling a certain way, they clearly do not care about you or your emotional state . If possible, cut them out of your life, or limit interaction as much as possible.

Know the signs, and build self confidence. If you are confident in yourself, you will have the power to stand up for yourself. If you are aware of the signs of gas lighting, you can distance yourself when it happens. For some people self awareness ands self worth is a slippery slope, but I always find that continued, daily, mediation grounds me in ways nothing else can. The calmer my mind is, the more certain I am about self truths. The more certain I am with myself, the more confident I feel about myself and my decisions.

Have a support system. A lot of times in relationships, people forget to spend time with their friends and family. Make sure you have people who support you outside of your more serious relationships. It’s important to feel secure when distancing yourself from people who gaslight you, so you don’t retreat to those toxic relationships.

Remember that gaslighting is not about you. It’s about the gaslighter themselves, and their insecurity, and need for power. It is not your fault, you are not weak, or “stupid” for falling for it.

Gaslighting Can Sound Like:

“You need help.”, “You’re so emotional.”, “Why so defensive all the time?”, “I wouldn’t have done that to you.”, “You’re always twisting things.”, “You’re imagining things.”, “Don’t get upset over nothing.”, “I didn’t mean it like that.”, “You’re the one who is wrong, not me.”, “Why are you even here if I’m so horrible?”, “Stop being dramatic”, “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”, “It’s not a big deal.”, “You’re remembering things wrong.”, “You sound crazy.”, “You’re so sensitive.” And the worst, “Calm down.”